Thursday, 25 June 2009

A to Z list of Things that are Gross:

Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Hollister.

Boot cut jeans for men. Why would guys want to wear jeans that bring out their hour-glass figure or make them look like a mermaid? Note* exception if the guy is a full on 1970's anorexic rock star wannabe.

Coldplay and/or U2 and/or Red Hot Chili Pepers.

Distressed denim, the fake expensive kind.
Alexander Ovechkin and Andrei Markov

European slim cut sneakers are for metrosexuals or people who hate sneakers but need something to wear to the gym.

Fine jersey. It's unflattering on everyone and somehow make people look oily like they haven't showered in a couple of days.

It even makes this model look bloated and grimy. What hope do regular people have?

Going to the gym. What are you? A 13-year-old girl with low self-esteem? Stop being so insecure about your body image.

Hair products, especially gel. Sure, the guy on the left's hair looks okay enough in the photo but in person it looks like one of those lego hair pieces dipped in oil which is slowly descending upon his face. Note* exception for greaser and rockabilly types, which is just classic badass.

ipod armbands.

Johnny Depp Wannabes. Do not try to look like Johnny Depp because you don't.

Kids because we all know you were cooler before you had them.

Low V-neck T-shirts. I'm talking about the really low ones that make guys look busty.

Manscaping. Men who manicure their facial hair and/or eyebrows and/or shave their body hair.

"Natural" highlights or frosted tips. They make girls look like they work at a gentlemen's club and guys look like a member of some crappy boy-band.

Notice how the only person here without highlights looks smarter and more talented than the rest.

Objectivity. Stop fooling yourself, there's no such thing.

Puka-shell necklaces. The proud insignia of boring jocks and sometimes ginos.

Quacks. Your therapist can't tell you anything you don't already know, all your problems are guaranteed to be repeated, and no matter how hard you try you can't ever stop being you, so accept it and save your money.

"Rock" T-shirts splashed with those screen printed tattoo designs.

Sartorialist. There ain't nuthin street about this guy's over-rated street style blog. Hell our blog is more street and we don't even go outside.

Tanorexia. Millions of people each year suffer from excessive spray tanning because they perceive themselves as unacceptably pale. Eventually, they turn into cheddar coloured chavs from Corornation Street.

Uggs are ugly, duh.

Vertically striped button-down shirts. They make you look like you just learned how to dress fabulous after watching Queer Eye for The Straight Guy, and decided that your mom doesn't have to shop for you anymore. By the way, those shirts don't make you look any thinner.

Wrap sunglasses. Sunglasses are supposed to make you look like a rock star not a rock-climbing instructor.

XstraightXedgeX because the very best drink is the first one you have after you give up on your pledge of sobriety.

Yuppies are ugly, duh.

Zen. Hippies are delusional.

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